WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Randomize
