i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
Randomize
