Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I feel like death gave me a hand job
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
