people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Randomize
