Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Randomize
