I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
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