There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
