okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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