the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
Randomize
