I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
your ability to fuck hot guys even when you go out in sweats amazes me
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
It seems that I didn’t convey clearly enough how well and truly fucked we are, Jack. Listen to me very closely: we are DEAD.
Randomize
