ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Randomize
