so explain again why im purple
no
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
