i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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