He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
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