Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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