It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
