Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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