Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
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