Swine flu. Run for my life!
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
