So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
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