Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Randomize
