Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
