Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
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