We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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