im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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