I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I faked an abortion last night.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
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i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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