You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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