he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize