I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
You have to summon your inner elephant
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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