i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
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