i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
