i don't like sucking hair
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
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