he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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