Sry I called you an 8
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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