I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
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explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
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this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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