Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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