The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
