I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
Randomize
