One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
