I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
