Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
I'm always down for nudity.
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