What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
you're expensive. Idk about all this. What happened to free make outs?
Sobriety and mild self-respect
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Randomize
