Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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