you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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