Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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