you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
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