I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Randomize
