Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
