She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
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