is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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