careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
