i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I want a musical about memes.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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