ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
Randomize
