He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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