I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
