i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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