that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
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You're a waste of cheezeits
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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