There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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