Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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