Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
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