I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
