I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
Randomize
