It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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