Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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