Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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