Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
I don't care if he was in that porno. He looked like he knew what he was doing.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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