Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
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