I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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