she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I pour the whiskey from now on
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
